The sadness comes from Garry Robertson. This makes anything that follows meaningless.

The tiredness is from a cynical nastiness from certain teams in this league going unpunished. Today’s opponents are the worst. Mark’s achilles were raked and he was rightly livid and squared up. Yellow card to Mark. Chris was elbowed in the face 3 times in succession (yes, that is THREE) and he gets a yellow for retaliation. Stoneds knew the ref was soft and played it to the hilt – kicking off the ball, shirt pulling everywhere. Something has to be done about this cause it is getting worse. I cut a huge paragraph from my ‘cleaned up report’ against Stoneds last time (we won 8-0 just in case anyone is thinking sour grapes) for TML because it is best for them to be nice and jolly and sometimes pretend everything is candy floss pink and fluffy in the league – but it has happened again big time and I am being dishonest to the lads if all is swept under the futon again. And Fraser gets a yellow for a mistimed tackle – maybe just ok but then there should have been 11 yellows on the day.

The funny thing is that Stoneds didn’t need to. They won unfair and square, played some excellent football and would have got to the next round without the dark side.

Vags started really well and Mark had a snap effort that whizzed just over like a sexually active and somewhat freckled dolphin within the first couple of minutes.Waynehad a superb first half and played a couple of vacuum cleanerish balls in behind the defence for Nao to chase down like a man in possession of a soiled policeman’s helmut. Final ball not good enough but good movement.

Stoneds started to come back into things but Vags nipped it in the hymen when Tom got the ball in midfield, and, doing his Al Gore crossed with Marge Simpson act, slipped it through to Nao who just edged in ahead of the keeper and slipped it home as if he were a constipated toad.

Stoneds started to push and scored a brilliant goal – an excellent orange blossom-like volley from 12 yards out leaving the YCAC ground encased in an evocative Asian aroma.

Things were as positive as a slightly positive sheet of crisp white paper at half time but, as the second half progressed, the evil ones gained superiority in a Kublai Khan fashion.

Their centre back was so comfortable on the ball he could have been mistaken for Al Capone playing croquet and he netted an excellent second for the smurfs. A third followed but the end of the game was overshadowed by the fact that Stoneds were at it, getting away with it, knew it and were laughing. I thought the Vags did well not to have anybody just lay into one of them (which would have been the number 7 of course).

Graham made a number of vanilla scented blocks and that was further testament that the monitor lizards had the upper had throughout the second half.

Steve G and Muzzy should get algae mentions for two mistakes followed by amazingly good make up tackles and blocks. Steve G, in particular stretched full length to block an open goal effort and theYaltaconference did, indeed, seem like a distant memory.

Back to the league then and the next two games will be as crucial as a razor in a whorehouse. (aah, crumbled at the end and put in one that makes sense)

RS

Excuse the number of nouns ending in ‘ness’ at the start of the report – I have had a fungi spore ridden day.

Richard, Muzzy,  Phil and Sarah Cockerill, Owen, and Tom all contributed towards the effort missing out on defending their title by the slimmest of margins, 1 point!

A few for you at home to have a go at.

a. Other than alcohol what are the 3 main ingredients of Eggnog?

b. Who was England’s highest run scorer during the last Ashes series?

c. What animal was Snowball in George Orwell’s Animal Farm?

Answers: a. Cream,Sugar, Egg. b. Alistair Cook c. Pig

With a midfield shorn of Sheard, the Vags started brightly but soon Christmas came early for Zion who were awarded two penalties in 5 minutes. Graham ‘the Cat’ superbly saved the first but could not keep out the second. With the Vags midfield regularly going AWOL out wide there was plenty to keep the defence and ‘the Cat’ occupied whilst Phil and Chris were creating problems at the other end. Lyndsey ( male- it can be a boys name too ) had a glorious chance to score, but didn’t.

The Vags equalised as the half wore on with a sublime goal from Phil Cockerill who doubled his and Vags tally in the second half with another great finish. Cock- a- doodle- doo! – the first Vagabond since Alex ‘brains’ Sahara to score 10 goals in a season.

Unfortunately, Zion levelled a few minutes before the end, they had had us under the cosh for some time but thanks to Graham ‘ The Cat’ and some stout defending didn’t look like they could finish, but they could and did so it ended 2-2.

Standout performers were: Steve Glenn, as always, Garry Robertson in the holding role, Roy out on the left, Phil  and of course Graham ‘the cat’ Burt. A big thankyou as well to a heavily pregnant Hisako, Paco,Pabs, Brian, Tomo,  Phil’s wife,Sarah  and a few others from the bar who stayed and cheered  us on, literally.  Richard Straughan as well who comes to manage us and especially  young Jake for running the line- being substitute and standing there wishing you were on the pitch is a lot worse when you are also banished to the other side of the pitch so you can’t even have a chat with your teammates. Thanks to all of you.

Finally, those not familiar with players in our team may be under the impression that Graham’s sobriquet is something to do with his agility between the sticks. It isn’t, he’s refered to as ‘ the cat’  only because ,perversely he likes to bury his own excrement in the garden.

 Up the Vags

 I’ll pull out (275,990,900 unwitting fathers in the last four years).

I have done nothing wrong (Madoff, Skilling, Ozawa, Redknapp, Ged….)

 I picked them up in the 100 yen shop (Jon Day)

 I never touched them (Fred West, Tom Sheard, James Musgrove)

Guns reduce the probability of killing as they act as a deterrent (Ronald Reagan) 

The Scots won’t mind (Thatcher on the Poll Tax)

Ben never went for my arse (Bill of the Flowerpot men fame)

 I genuinely got lost (Hugh Grant when arrested for kerb crawling in the States)

 I never inhaled (Bill Clinton)

I never………Monica (Bill C)

I never…….(Bill C)

Rich – I guarantee a double figures goal tally for you this season (Phil Cockerill)

The only one of these with any credence at all is the latter. Phil has wapped it on the table already (and created messy stains) and it isn’t even Christmas. And how.

His first was goal of the season so far in Vagland. Ball mishit by Chris, by his own admission, but still finds our man, From here Robert Frost can ramble off and have a coffee cause his poetry doesn’t come anywhere near the poetry in motion that followed – a deliberately deceptive jaunty/faux lackadaisical move to the ball by Phil and then a heroin needle sharp drop of the shoulder which Rimbaud would have been proud of if he’d been a footy player, a flick which Cruyff would have been proud of, had he been a poet or not, and he’s left the defender budo picking on a sunny September day in Yamanashi. And…and …still 25 yards out but does the ‘look up’ and efficiently early puts it under the quilt and snuggly home to bed dreaming about gigantic fish swimming in a cotton wool sea.

This was individual brilliance on a grand scale.

Phil’s second was down to the kanji-master to be – Garry Robertson who had a stellar second half. Won it strong in the tackle and played Phil through – he still had plenty to do but did it and did it well – looping strike over the keeper and Vags go 2-1 up. The Phil / Garry combination almost put the Vags 3-1 up with an utterly audacious piece of free wheeling confidence – sublime ball from the halfway from the ex-fishman, and Phil, despite a modicum of space doesn’t pull it down as any mere mortal would, he has already spotted the keeper walking around in front of the six yard line picking garden flowers, nary a blink nor a split second’s hesitation and opts to go first time with an outrageously difficult looping header. Oooooooooooooohhh off the bar.

This, too, was individual brilliance on a grand scale.

It is, for the record, the first time a Vag has reached 10 since the 2005/6 season if my memory serves me correctly, when the sprightly, albeit perfidious, Alex Sahara was impersonating a whippet each game.

Vags took away a solitary point from a game in which the full 3 would have been justice.

The referee had a shocker.

A combination of seemingly being biased – (never　met　or　been　refereed　by　the　guy　so　what　does　he　suddenly have　against　us?)　and　not　knowing　the　simple　rules　of　the　game　is　really　tough　stuff　to　have　ranged against you, especially when Zion were there usual good, crisp selves.

Where do we start with this?

3 first half challenges from the back – right through – twice leaving players on the deck (and Lyndsey isn’t a shrinking violet)

Soft first penalty (great save by Graham though but that still doesn’t make the award right) – if this one is given why not the Lyndsey sandwich in their box 5 minutes earlier. I understand turning away from a soft one but don’t understand giving the next soft one.

Steve Glenn is booked for kicking the ball away. He apologises to his teammates for this later – deserved the yellow says he. A Zion player kicks the ball away later and isn’t booked. The ref says ‘it’s not the same’. Why? – Steve’s kick away went 30 metres and the Zion guy’s went 20?

Zion player falls over near the corner flag and puts his body over the ball….strong claims for hands too but anyway FIFA rules already state……..

Don’t get me wrong – beer was high and spirit was flowing after, or perhaps the other way round.

As mentioned – Graham pulled off a great save from the soft penalty above but couldn’t repeat his escapades for a second penalty awarded soon after. Vags also conceded late when a ball swung into the area was lost in the lights and a Zionista headed home.

The last ten was a fraught, heart attack ebb and flow and Zion definitely finished the game stronger but the paying neutral had to be happy.

I had my usual minute or too with Benji, God love him, but no ‘pussyho’ this time, to the disappointment of most Vags around..

Lyndsey fluffed an effort early on but had a really good game all the same, Phil’s double and overall performance however, get him man of the match.

RS

Trying to think about how to describe something really, really, really soft……no implants you know.

Fraser Brown was the first Vag red carded this season but it was without a shadow of a doubt in anybody’s mind a Boris Johnson. A joke, but not funny. Not least for Fraser himself, but also for Muzzy, who ended up in goal for the full game and Roy, who therefore didn’t get back on the pitch.

Fraser went down in the box, shirt being pulled. Good claims for a penalty and Fraser shouts ‘Fuck sake ref’. Ref uses his high tech simultaneous translation earpiece to construe this as ‘You fuck me ref’, (I confirmed this with him after the game) which no native Scot would ever say anyway unless they had a few tinnies of Tennant’s Super inside them (assuming here that Mr Brown didn’t of course). And even then it would probably come out something more like – ‘………ars………shagged yer mot…sister too……..’ ….well best not go there really.
Straight red.
Absolute nonsense.
The ref was saying to me that it was a silly thing to do in ‘such a game’ – which I construe to mean an easyish workout for the Vags and this is bollocks anyway. If it was a tough game then doing a silly thing would have been fine? And the essence here is that Fraser didn’t do a ‘silly thing’ anyway – he swore, once.. Laughable and ridiculous. I don’t recall ever having shaken a player’s hand as they trotted off after having got a red until yesterday. Bullshit decision.

The ref also told me in our little post match tete a tete that he had had a perfect game and didn’t make any mistakes, I kid you not. This is Mork calling Ork, nanu nanu shazbot….

It didn’t affect the result though. Vags were 3-0 up before the red and finished 6 to the good – Muzzy keeping a clean sheet despite efforts at the end to let one squirm under his body. But we all know he was just pissing around in a dissing competition with Graham. Graham came out and scored last season – Muzzy stays in and keeps a clean sheet this season – 1-1. It could get nasty.

In all seriousness I would like to thank Muzzy on behalf of the team today for reluctantly stepping in when Graham was off transvestite hunting in Phuket, especially as Muzzy might have plundered a few against a wobbly defence.

Guts were interesting. They have a few decent players and can pass around a wee bit but often give it away on the fourth or fifth pass and get themselves into lots of trouble. The defence was weeblish as mentioned but, unlike the egg shaped smiley annoying little toys, they did fall down now and again. No guts really.

Vags were reasonably comfortable throughout and took the lead with an excellent move. Tom drove forward and played it left to Nao who drove down the left (funnily enough) and pulled it back to Tom. Outside of the right foot and into the corner. Fine goal. And did we or did we not see a wee fist pump from the Barnsley boy? Yes we did.

The second was down to one of many fine Lyndsey corners during the game. Tom headed back and Fraser flipped it against the bar, Masa powered through to knock it home from a yard out. ‘I’m having it’ said Fraser………well….‘no your not’ says I.

Fraser was massively involved in the 3rd too…….scrumptious ball through to Phil who rounded the goalie but just nudged things a diaphragm too far. Cut back on the touch line, looked up and spotted a condom in the middle. That condom was Nao. He collected on the 18 yard line, looked up and had a goalie and 2 other defenders lined up on the line. Picked his spot anyway, banged it off the inside of the post and seed was spilt everywhere. Nice, safe sex.

Then Fraser was joke-redded.
The thing about this game was that we essentially started with twelve, because Lyndsey was playing centre back and left midfield at the same time, as well as taking all the throws and corners, so being down to 10 was like being down to 11. He was indeed, a man possessed. Or, to be more accurate, a man not in possession of a hangover. Brilliant game.

Pattern of the game was not overly disrupted but Cockerill came to the fore a tadge more. Chris, still chortling away to himself about Rio Ferdinand the day before, joyfully sent Phil through down the left and Phil snapped it away smartly in the right hand corner. Clinical enough to merit a clap on the back from Mengele.

The next was Laurel & Hardy at it again. Chris broke into the penalty area and seemed destined to get his first goal for the Vags ( no- Highland games volleys do not count) but the ball was cleared off the line(ish) and Phil snarfled things up for a brace.

Time for one more and Phil claims the hat-trick. Not to be, I’m afraid, because a defender running backwards towards his own goal and smashing the ball off the post back into his own goal would seem to suggest an own goal. A quick poll was done in the changing rooms to see if Phil had any back up for his fanciful match ball demands and this was, frankly, met with derision. So O.G. it is.

A workman like result and pleasing due to the mentality of just sticking it away but also keeping going when a few ahead. Then again when a man down. Guts were really ropey at times but were not a bad team in fairness and complacency could have caused problems. There was none. Very good.

RS

Final score was 10-1.

We played harder than them and we had more passion for winning than them.

How do you win football matches?Beautiful Football?

No.It’s passion for winning.It doesn’t matter how you score.
In football,the most important thing is we need to score more than them.

We did just that.And we won.Some goals were more beautiful than them.It’s good.

After the game we had a conversation that we could score more even though the result was 10-1.This is a good conversation for us.Not being satisfied makes us stronger.

And finally Thanks to Hitoshi for playing for us!!!

Shockam first report for BFC.

Fortunately, the jellied eel saleman who took responsibility for the said kick screwed it horribly wide. “Fack me, would you Adam and Eve it?” is what i think the onlooking YCAC subs said afterwards. Anyway, they went on to score 4 and a raucously sung Chas and Dave medley could still be heard in the home team’s bar hours after the final whistle.

I know that we shouldn’t use match reports to criticise fellow club members but things have to be said i think. Today, the Vags probably needed a couple of extra good quality midfielders and then we would have won. The fact that Paul Wadsworth and Ken Tsurumi have been allowed to defect to the first team is scandalous and an example of player power gone mad, although Vagabonds Manager Richard Straughan must accept his share of the blame for this debacle.

At the end of last season Richard, Taka, Ken ,Paul and myself all attended a secret meeting in the Jyota curry house in Hammatsucho to discuss which team Paul and Ken would play for this season. The evening started well and the discussions were very constructive until Paul insisted that the manager who said ‘Wadsworth’ in the most Yorkshire sounding accent was the one he would play for. At this point i suggested to Richard that we phone for Yorkshireman, Ged. Paul was happy to let Richard defer to Ged but Richard let his ego get in the way and Paul judged that Taka’s version was the best.

Next was Ken’s turn. He insisted that whoever of the two managers said “Tsurumi” three times the best would secure his services. “but i want you to say it like a mouse” he insisted. ”TSURUMI, TSURUMI, TSURUMI” screeched a frantic Straughan and the rest is history, Ken signed on for the first team too.

Player power gone mad? I think so but maybe Richard could have tried harder with his intonation and all three must share the blame as the Vagabonds sink towards the lower echelons of TML2.

Another thing,the way Ged prepares for the games nowadays is frankly quite terryifying and may be having an impact on some of the lads. Today, 15 minutes before kickoff he sank to his knees and raised his hands to the heavens and spoke aloud : ” as the flame in thy mouth lights us to truth so let it light our path to success.” He rocked forward in the intensity of his emotion and struck his forehead several times on the dressing room door until he could feel blood trickling down his face all the while chanting what i think was Latin.That’s no way to prepare for a football match. There was kids playing nearby and everything. I think we should all just stick to basic stretches and blasting balls at Graham before we start.

Well, that’s the nearest i can come to a Straughanian match report. Normal service will resume next week when Richard doesn’t have to spend all night quaffing wine.

So all thats left to say is :it’s fuck off from me and it’s fuck off from him.

Go on, fuck off.

Ullo Vags! Got new strikers?|Ullo Vags! Got new strikers?

Phil and Sho got ‘atricks.
Phil and Sho got ‘atricks

Muzzy weighed in wiv a double
Muzzy weighed in wiv a double

I keep tropical fish
I keep tropical fish

In me underpants
In me underpants

I had had vague notions of doing the whole match report to Sayle’s classic but really find that would be much too challenging and the chaps and chapesses out there who don’t know what I’m talking about would be even more confused than usual.

Vags didn’t, in fact, have new strikers in person – but in attitude it might as well have been Margaret Thatcher (oops sorry, I had promised to stop swearing) to Tony Benn.
You might have noticed a smidgeon of negativity if you read the last report, or you might have thought I’d hung myself, but the response today was just what the gynaecologist ordered.

I will take a tranche of credit due to the inspirational video I sent out late Friday night. ‘Ullo John! Gotta new motor?…’ was the obvious choice because I am 6ft 2” and obese by your average Japanese health check standards, so finding a suit 2 sizes too small was easy and, in addition, not being averse to using a prodigious amount of profanity (if you know the 12 inch version then the faux-coprolalia* is what I can do very, very well) – then that was that settled. My dancing was poor but then Saturday Night Fever was never going to be the name of the game. If any corporate executives out there want to buy the video to rejuvenate their ailing company then it costs 57,000 yen and can be bought from me. The money will have to go down as an advisory fee and be paid through the Cayman Islands, for reasons I cannot divulge, but it is all above board of course. Oh, and I have cameras for sale too, sir.

The only other choice of a comedian singing that sprang to mind was Ken Dodd – ‘Happiness, apenis, the greatest thing that I possess’…… but he had hair and didn’t pay the Diddy Men, or to put it another way diddled the Diddy Men, – neither of which apply to myself. And my Diddy Men are very happy too.

8-0. 8-0. 8-0. 8-0. That sounds very nice indeed, but without taking anything away from the lads there are a couple of things that should be mentioned for the masses. Stoneds turned up with a bare 11 – though fortunately clothed. After about 15 minutes a clash involving the bulky Shosuke and their keeper left the Stoneds guardian in quite severe pain (a cracked rib wouldn’t surprise me though I hope not). He couldn’t continue so they were down to ten and that was the case for the rest of the game.

The other stat which I should keep hidden from the rest of the league, but won’t, because deep down I am a fundamentally nice guy, is that it took the Vags around 35 chances to notch the 8. Last week we didn’t have a shot on goal so the chances were zero but even with the one shot the week before we would only have a one in 4 chance of sticking it away anyway. So don’t quake in your boots just yet.

Let’s run through the ‘could have beens’ at the newly named (Kikkoman sponsored) Stadium of Shoyu in Oi.

Muzzy, by his own admission, had 6 – a couple of wild swipes whizzing cornerwards are all I can remember, Phil owned up to perhaps 3 and has vowed to assume Muzzy will miss everything in future even if he shouts for it, Takuma tried to walk the ball home a couple of times, Chris was a cow’rin, tim’rous, beastie, though hardly sleekit, on one occasion (however not sure that trying to play your teammates in counts), Tom had, by his own admission, no bad misses at all – but the rest of the team did notice the two headers from six yards out and a shot over the bar from 12. Shosuke had a couple to stick in there…..oh and Pabs should have shot once too.

What a fundamental, complaining Scottish bistro I am.

Yes.

I was told that the Vags stole Alexei’s hat and tucked it away in a very safe place early on and after arriving 10 minutes late it was 0-0. To come back to attitude – it was there and obvious. Profligacy was abundant too, in fact there was so much of it, it was wasteful. Vags seemed nervy in front of goal and the pressure heaped on by the fact that I could be sacked, if this were to be a third straight defeat, made things a bit tense.

Onto the goals – but this is tough. Usually I am trying to remember the last goal that the Vags scored, and it is an amazing situation (akin to a Frenchman admitting he knows nothing about wine) that I am even struggling to remember in which order the goals were scored. Let’s have a go anyway.

Muzzy’s first was the Lux-like clean soap of them all. Great cross from Mark (or Takuma? Or Graham? Or Hisako? – the mind gets hazy) was strongly headed home. There was a weird time warp moment because I was already shouting ‘get in!’ yet the team were waiting…it was a kind of skype delayed reaction. I was right behind in line though and the minute Muzzy stuck his neck muscles on it Pancho Villa could ride again and Mexico could rejoice.

Second – Sho disposed a defender (and you are thinking ‘TYPO!’ here right?………but I’ll stick with disposed even though it makes no sense ‘cause it sounds nice and isn’t the title of an Ursula K. Le Guin novel either – fundamental pretentious name if there ever was one) and got within 3 yards of their sub keeper – looked up and barrelled it straight at him – he parried well and Shosuke, somewhat miffed, gathered the rebound, shimmied, shimmied again and flicked it home with the outside of his sock. Or was it a wellie?

Third was Sho again – ball over the top – Sho is through with a defender half a yard behind – defender grabs hold of the shirt, Sho shrugs and, wiry little bistro that he is, keeps going, defender gets even more of the shirt – enough that I approached him after the game and said ‘if you want it that bad then you can fundamentally go home and wash it your fundamental self!’. Sho even rides that and still breaks free. The defender rugby tackles him and pulls down his shorts – Sho is revealed to have Rupert the Bear undies – Vags are impressed………..and he is still going . Defenders have kind of caught up to our newly found underwear hero and he’s pushed wide, cuts back, cuts back again and (have I used shimmy before?) bingo. He was manhandled all the way from halfway line to goal and still stayed on his feet, and people accuse him of diving……….yep, yep, yep.

Genius.

N…E…X…T, neeeext, ……..youtube The Sensational Alex Harvey Band.

And next – nothing to do with an Army Hoorehouse, gift of the army free of cost but …………Phil is put through with a long ball over the top – and…I…swear upon the wet head of my first case of gonorrhea, I loved this finish. Nothing tricky or fancy – took it from the half way line, saw what the keeper was doing and just stroked it early – still 25 yards out – bam! As smooth and silky as Peach John knickers. And just as smelly and sweaty.

Takuma was running the line – I turned to him to tell him to warm up and missed the first hat-trick of the day. Apparently – keeper fumbled a pass back and Shosuke nipped in and dispossessed (ahhh THAT novel!) – garlic bag.

‘And there’s more’ as that singularly annoying Irish comedian, Jimmy Cricket, used to say.

Beautiful ball over the top by Sho and Phil is through vs keeper…gets there just in front and powers a header from 25 yards out. Yes, I did say header, not shot..
Been telling him for the last 15 minutes that he’s going to get his hat-trick and he’s listening. Ball in from the left and in truth it is a defender’s ball – Phil just muscles through from a yard out and makes it his. Scores from that yard out – lands up in the net. Very sore. 7-0 now. This was the least technically brilliant goal of the day (that has already gone to Muzzy) but my favourite because it was the opposite of everything that has gone wrong the last two games – hunger.

Still time to sub Phil and stick Muzzy back on – didn’t quite make the hat-trick but had a smart finish from around 16 yards – right foot to the keeper’s left.

Graham was bored shitless but it is an almost forgotten fact that at 1-0 down he pulled off an absolutely fundamentally superb save – Stoneds had knife through buttered the defence and shot, Graham dived fully extended and pushed away left handed, with a satisfyingly animalistic grunt. These can also be the moments games foondube upon. (yes, ok I just made that word up). Yuko was impressed and things can’t get better than that really.

Roll call is almost nonsensical. Everyone played well.

Graham – see last paragraph. Tom powered as usual but added a bit of sense to his game today (smart lay offs and awareness of what was going on around him). He used his razor sharp logic to point out, in the face of gentle ribbing, that he isn’t paid to score goals. Can’t argue with that because he isn’t paid.

I would also like to be gently ribbed tonight but we’ll see how she is feeling.

Takuma and Masahiro as full backs were different in style but both monumental (weird adjective to use for these guys but I’ll stick with it). Masa was plain solid and we like that – Takuma was a threat and Pabs covered brilliantly on the many occasions Takuma moved forward. Mark repeated last week – the difference this time being the rest of the team followed. Chris was inventive and controlled – in Germany he might be known as the ‘Flickmeister’ – best game yet in a Vags shirt. Both Pabs and Chris also dealt well with a hangover, unlike Lyndsey who, after a pre match, sideline, up-chuck, managed to get rid of the shakes, but is finding the all nighters more and more difficult to shake off on match day. Home to bed at 3:00pm. Sean came on at half time and was strong in the tackle but also put a couple of great balls through to aid the cause. Ged and Steve’s contribution shouldn’t be underestimated and Stoneds were a genuine threat until around the hour mark. Roy was also as solid as a piece of really solid dried fish. Didn’t jump in and held the shape well – good debut. The front 3 got 8 between them and have been mentioned enough in this report but Shosuke has to take man of the match. We take for granted his immaculate control and the way he can just leave good, good defenders for dead. Joy to watch him play today. Really.

Right, before I finish I still want to do 2 things.

Firstly I’d like to use obsequious in a match report because it is another lovely word. Done.

Secondly, abuse the match report medium for a rant, because I find a sustained blast at the AGM once a year isn’t really enough.

I’d be staggered if any Stoned is reading this but if you are please take note.

The ref was good enough throughout and let the game flow but I sometimes feel there is an anti European bias in terms of the league, or TML choose to squint things the way they see it. We never get any feedback about what is really said in the refs meetings so I can only speculate. But quite frankly, if Ged is getting booked for a fairly innocuous late challenge and at least 5 times there is fundamentally outrageous shirt pulling – 4 of which would be automatic yellow card by FIFA rules and one of which was a straight red then I can only conclude that TML doesn’t see shirt pulling as that bad and the refs have been told not to bother with FIFA rules on this offense. I’d like to stress that I am not talking about the ref in this game in particular, but rather a trend noticed over the last few seasons. The bias I was talking about is that when we play the Real Celts, YCAC 2nds, British Embassy etc this really doesn’t happen – when we play the Dutch (who are Japanese) and Stoneds it is rife. El Diego last season were also very persistent offenders. I want to complain about this after a good result because I can’t be accused of fundamental sour grapes. Suffice to say I feel shirt pulling is getting worse and want a crackdown. Brits / Europeans speak their mind to the ref and encourage easy to give yellow cards? But let’s ignore the disgusting systematic cheating of shirt pulling because that is easy to do? And they don’t talk back and that is ok? I think we (Europeans) are therefore at a disadvantage and subject to refs not following the rules of football.

Whew – god that felt good! Therapy over for this report at least.

In some ways the best thing about this game that could be said, if you were of such a disposition, or disposed or even dispossessed, was the fact that Vags dominated the opening 15 even before it went pear shaped for the Stoneds. The application at that time made things progress naturally when we got the upper hand.

Great performance.

*This sounds high brow but translated directly from Greek it means ‘talking shit’. And, for once, I am not talking shit.

Lovely jubbly.

RS