The Vags put on a great display for 40 minutes today and should have been at least a goal or two to the good at half-time. It was the most hardworking and organised half i have seen for a long time. Unfortunately, we ran out of energy and attacking options in the second half and succumbed to another 4-0 reverse.
Things should have been so much different but again the Vags were subject to another dubious refereeing decision. With the scores locked at 0-0 Wayne superbly charged down a YCAC shot at goal, with Baxter ready to scoop up the loose ball and charge the full 80 metres under the posts to put the Vags into what would have been an unassailable 5-0 lead he was unfairly judged to have knocked on and a penalty was awarded to the opponents. You can’t knock on from a chargedown Ricky, poor refereeing mate.

Fortunately, the jellied eel saleman who took responsibility for the said kick screwed it horribly wide. “Fack me, would you Adam and Eve it?” is what i think the onlooking YCAC subs said afterwards. Anyway, they went on to score 4 and a raucously sung Chas and Dave medley could still be heard in the home team’s bar hours after the final whistle.

I know that we shouldn’t use match reports to criticise fellow club members but things have to be said i think. Today, the Vags probably needed a couple of extra good quality midfielders and then we would have won. The fact that Paul Wadsworth and Ken Tsurumi have been allowed to defect to the first team is scandalous and an example of player power gone mad, although Vagabonds Manager Richard Straughan must accept his share of the blame for this debacle.

At the end of last season Richard, Taka, Ken ,Paul and myself all attended a secret meeting in the Jyota curry house in Hammatsucho to discuss which team Paul and Ken would play for this season. The evening started well and the discussions were very constructive until Paul insisted that the manager who said ‘Wadsworth’ in the most Yorkshire sounding accent was the one he would play for. At this point i suggested to Richard that we phone for Yorkshireman, Ged. Paul was happy to let Richard defer to Ged but Richard let his ego get in the way and Paul judged that Taka’s version was the best.

Next was Ken’s turn. He insisted that whoever of the two managers said “Tsurumi” three times the best would secure his services. “but i want you to say it like a mouse” he insisted. ”TSURUMI, TSURUMI, TSURUMI” screeched a frantic Straughan and the rest is history, Ken signed on for the first team too.

Player power gone mad? I think so but maybe Richard could have tried harder with his intonation and all three must share the blame as the Vagabonds sink towards the lower echelons of TML2.

Another thing,the way Ged prepares for the games nowadays is frankly quite terryifying and may be having an impact on some of the lads. Today, 15 minutes before kickoff he sank to his knees and raised his hands to the heavens and spoke aloud : ” as the flame in thy mouth lights us to truth so let it light our path to success.” He rocked forward in the intensity of his emotion and struck his forehead several times on the dressing room door until he could feel blood trickling down his face all the while chanting what i think was Latin.That’s no way to prepare for a football match. There was kids playing nearby and everything. I think we should all just stick to basic stretches and blasting balls at Graham before we start.

Well, that’s the nearest i can come to a Straughanian match report. Normal service will resume next week when Richard doesn’t have to spend all night quaffing wine.

So all thats left to say is :it’s fuck off from me and it’s fuck off from him.

Go on, fuck off.