Darling, I’ll always stand by you (Tammy Wynette to the first of her 5 husbands).

 I’ll pull out (275,990,900 unwitting fathers in the last four years).

I have done nothing wrong (Madoff, Skilling, Ozawa, Redknapp, Ged….)

 I picked them up in the 100 yen shop (Jon Day)

 I never touched them (Fred West, Tom Sheard, James Musgrove)

Guns reduce the probability of killing as they act as a deterrent (Ronald Reagan) 

The Scots won’t mind (Thatcher on the Poll Tax)

Ben never went for my arse (Bill of the Flowerpot men fame)

 I genuinely got lost (Hugh Grant when arrested for kerb crawling in the States)

 I never inhaled (Bill Clinton)

I never………Monica (Bill C)

I never…….(Bill C)

 

Rich – I guarantee a double figures goal tally for you this season (Phil Cockerill)

The only one of these with any credence at all is the latter. Phil has wapped it on the table already (and created messy stains) and it isn’t even Christmas. And how.

His first was goal of the season so far in Vagland. Ball mishit by Chris, by his own admission, but still finds our man, From here Robert Frost can ramble off and have a coffee cause his poetry doesn’t come anywhere near the poetry in motion that followed – a deliberately deceptive jaunty/faux lackadaisical move to the ball by Phil and then a heroin needle sharp drop of the shoulder which Rimbaud would have been proud of if he’d been a footy player, a flick which Cruyff would have been proud of, had he been a poet or not, and he’s left the defender budo picking on a sunny September day in Yamanashi. And…and …still 25 yards out but does the ‘look up’ and efficiently early puts it under the quilt and snuggly home to bed dreaming about gigantic fish swimming in a cotton wool sea.

This was individual brilliance on a grand scale.

Phil’s second was down to the kanji-master to be – Garry Robertson who had a stellar second half. Won it strong in the tackle and played Phil through – he still had plenty to do but did it and did it well – looping strike over the keeper and Vags go 2-1 up. The Phil / Garry combination almost put the Vags 3-1 up with an utterly audacious piece of free wheeling confidence – sublime ball from the halfway from the ex-fishman, and Phil, despite a modicum of space doesn’t pull it down as any mere mortal would, he has already spotted the keeper walking around in front of the six yard line picking garden flowers, nary a blink nor a split second’s hesitation and opts to go first time with an outrageously difficult looping header. Oooooooooooooohhh off the bar.

This, too, was individual brilliance on a grand scale.

It is, for the record, the first time a Vag has reached 10 since the 2005/6 season if my memory serves me correctly, when the sprightly, albeit perfidious, Alex Sahara was impersonating a whippet each game.

Vags took away a solitary point from a game in which the full 3 would have been justice.

The referee had a shocker.

A combination of seemingly being biased – (never　met　or　been　refereed　by　the　guy　so　what　does　he　suddenly have　against　us?)　and　not　knowing　the　simple　rules　of　the　game　is　really　tough　stuff　to　have　ranged against you, especially when Zion were there usual good, crisp selves.

 

Where do we start with this?

 

3 first half challenges from the back – right through – twice leaving players on the deck (and Lyndsey isn’t a shrinking violet)

 

Soft first penalty (great save by Graham though but that still doesn’t make the award right) – if this one is given why not the Lyndsey sandwich in their box 5 minutes earlier. I understand turning away from a soft one but don’t understand giving the next soft one.

 

Steve Glenn is booked for kicking the ball away. He apologises to his teammates for this later – deserved the yellow says he. A Zion player kicks the ball away later and isn’t booked. The ref says ‘it’s not the same’. Why? – Steve’s kick away went 30 metres and the Zion guy’s went 20?

 

Zion player falls over near the corner flag and puts his body over the ball….strong claims for hands too but anyway FIFA rules already state……..

 

Don’t get me wrong – beer was high and spirit was flowing after, or perhaps the other way round.

 

As mentioned – Graham pulled off a great save from the soft penalty above but couldn’t repeat his escapades for a second penalty awarded soon after. Vags also conceded late when a ball swung into the area was lost in the lights and a Zionista headed home.

 

The last ten was a fraught, heart attack ebb and flow and Zion definitely finished the game stronger but the paying neutral had to be happy.

 

I had my usual minute or too with Benji, God love him, but no ‘pussyho’ this time, to the disappointment of most Vags around..

 

Lyndsey fluffed an effort early on but had a really good game all the same, Phil’s double and overall performance however, get him man of the match.

 

RS